Miss Communications

Table Manners at Work

Non-verbal communication takes many forms, and everything from our facial expressions to our footwear can say something about who we are, where we’re from and how seriously we take ourselves.

In many business settings our manners – including our table manners – can also mark us as polished or uninformed. And without some knowledge of basic etiquette, we can feel uninformed; wondering how to behave and afraid of doing the wrong thing or making the wrong impression.

Marie Hornback, director of Northern Colorado-based HMS Protocol & Etiquette Training, says that’s precisely the point of learning manners and rules: In the midst of building a partnership or trying to land a job, a professional who knows the mannerly ropes can operate with confidence and ease.

Hornback is a certified etiquette expert who grew up in England and graduated from the Protocol School of Washington. She teaches business etiquette as well as dining skills, and in a move fraught with personal-embarrassment risk, I accompanied her to lunch.

Yes, I made a few mistakes – but that’s not important. What’s much more interesting is the set of topics we discussed: Americans and manners; common etiquette questions; and how the average person can feel more comfortable while dining out with others.

To many Americans, the very idea of etiquette seems stuffy and unnecessary. But as Hornback points out, the goal of protocol is to make people feel comfortable, not to be a snob. After all, nobody wants to be interrupted by a lot of dinnertime confusion, and no one wants the waiter to swoop in with an ill-timed “May I take your plate?” just as a deal is being closed. When you know the appropriate rules and signals, the threat of such mishaps is slim.

When Hornback teaches dining skills, she heads straight to the top and shows what to expect in the most formal setting. “People can always adjust to be more casual,” she says, “but you can’t notch it up if you don’t know how.”

She covers what each type of fork, knife and spoon is for (and yes, the directive to start with the outermost silver and work your way in is correct); which bread plate to employ (to the left); and which cups and glasses to use (to the right).

She teaches everything from basic napkin etiquette (leave it on your seat if you temporarily excuse yourself; place it on the table when you’re done) to finger bowls (try not to mistake it for soup), and she urges us to kindly ignore our tablemates’ mistakes.

The most common question Hornback gets from people who take her classes is “Do I have to eat like this all the time?” and the answer is a definite “No.”

“At home you can lick your plate clean if you like,” she says – a great relief, I’m sure, to us all. 

Next week I’ll cover more of the etiquette practices that make business meals more professional and predictable. Until then, watch out for that finger bowl – and if you’re dining with me, keep ignoring the mistakes.

How Three Little Letters Save Time

People who develop software or Web sites – or hardware or kitchen gadgets or any other thingamajigs – are familiar with the term “usability.” It’s a word that describes how efficient something is to use and how easily people can figure it out. So, for example, a Web page that follows obvious standards – like putting the “next” button at the bottom of the page – is considered more usable than one that sends users hunting for clues.

Usability is important in communication, too. Every time we stop to define a word, add a table of contents or break things into manageable, sensible paragraphs, we’re making our communication more usable for the audience.

In e-mail, one of the best ways to increase usability is to use the subject header wisely. That often means creating a subject line that’s clear and complete – and it can mean including specific hints about what people need to do with your message.To help with that task, let's take a look at OpenSubject. 

OpenSubject is a little-known “public project” that aims to make e-mail more efficient, and it’s based on a set of 3-letter codes that make it easy to tell recipients what to expect.

The most recognizable OpenSubject code is FYI, which means, of course, that the contents of the e-mail are “for your information,” or simply meant to bring you up to speed. With an FYI message, no action or reply is expected. FYA, “for your archive,” is pretty much the same.

A newer code that has gained some traction is NRN, which is short for “no reply necessary.” This is a handy addition to the subject line when you don’t want a flood of e-mail in response. Writing “NRN: Meeting rescheduled for 2:30,” for example, tells each recipient not to write back and prevents a barrage of “I’ll see you then” junk.

If you actually do want a reply, try WFR, for “waiting for your reply.” WFA and WFP ask for advice or permission, respectively.

The code 1QM means “one-question message” (the number, of course, can be changed) while RYN means “Reply with Yes or No.”

Other OpenSubject codes include AYQ for “answering your question”; AET for “answer expected today” (AEW allows a week); and RAF for “read and forward.” EOM, for “end of message,” is handy code that’s used when the subject alone will suffice, as in “Need your report by noon - EOM.”

Of course, getting started with a new set of e-mail codes is not an easy task. If you send out an e-mail headed “RAF: New Contract,” you can’t expect people to automatically know what you want. That’s why OpenSubject recommends a little glossary in every e-mail: Their suggestion is to include a signature that defines each code. You could also post the information at coffee pots and printers where everyone’s likely to see it, and you can always add new codes that fit your office’s needs.

The trick is simply to find a way to get the message out and to start making your company’s e-mail more efficient – a few letters at a time.