If you’ve never read “the world’s funniest complaint letter” – a pointed and lengthy bashing of one airline passenger’s on-board dining experience – you should immediately go there, work your way through the ghastly photos and hilarious text, and then come back here so we can discuss how to write a complaint letter of your own.
The Virgin Atlantic letter, which surfaced in January of this year, was written by Oliver Beale, an advertising executive who, while flying to London from Mumbai, found himself on the receiving end of a decidedly unpleasant meal. Beale took pictures of the various dishes, typed out his many disappointments, and sent his missive directly to Virgin CEO Richard Branson ("Sir Richard" to the Brits).
In his letter Beale bemoaned the “yellow shafts of sponge” he’d been served along with “green paste” and “a sour gel,” and he called up the hopes and disappointments of a child on Christmas – one who expected a wonderful gift but has found his own dead hamster wrapped in a box. “That’s how I felt when I peeled back the foil and saw this,” Beale wrote, referencing yet another photo of yellow glop.
The letter actually had an effect. Branson reportedly read it, called Beale to thank him for the tongue-in-cheek input and even invited him to participate in future taste tests for the airline.
Of course, most letters of complaint don’t work nearly that well, and it’s worth looking into what made this one a success – and what you can do to get some attention when you’ve got a complaint of your own.
First, Beale started on a positive note, writing that he loves the Virgin brand. That type of flattery may seem unnecessary in the average discussion of what’s gone wrong, but if you truly want to attract someone’s attention, first tell them something nice.
Second, Beale was specific. He didn’t vaguely suggest the food was beneath his standards or that it didn’t taste very good; he gave a precise account of each yucky course. If you’re trying to rectify a bad situation or let someone know where improvement is due, tell them exactly what you've witnessed, received or experienced and where your disappointment lies.
Third, Beale didn’t lay blame. Even with his amusing “No sane person would serve a desert with a tomato” and “How can you live like this?” Beale didn’t actually attack anyone for causing his discontent. While it’s often tempting to assail someone’s nasty behavior or inability to perform, you’ll get a better hearing if you avoid personal insults and stick to the facts.
Fourth, Beale wrote well. He wasn't perfect, and his Briticisms might throw some of us off (for one thing, we Americans would use a lot more commas), but altogether the writing was clear and generally correct. He didn’t leave his audience assuming these might be the rantings of a fool, and he didn’t give them reason to deride his comments.
Of course, the best thing about Beale’s letter was that it was an absolute hoot. The lesson? Write something people will actually want to read.
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